I think I broke it !

Have you ever picked up a coffee cup, and the handle just came off... right in your hand? You didn't drop it, or bump it against anything, it just came right off ? Or maybe it was a knob on the radio, or a rubber band on something... you just touched it and it broke... all by itself ! Well, my Internal Emotional Stabilizer . . . just broke this evening. (That, or he's going through "MANopause")

I was laying on the couch after dinner, and it was quiet in the house. Mom was in her bedroom, reading, Dad was in the Jacuzzi on the patio and I was, very out of character for me, reading. Nothing Philosophical or meaningful, it was "Parade" magazine from the Sunday paper. The last thing I had read was about automating your home (blah, blah, blah). I finished and set the paper down. It had started me thinking about (now TRY to follow THIS thread) automation, how to communicate after my surgery, messages to my church choir, e-mail to my friends, communicating to anyone with a breath a breathing tube, how much I hated the catheter (still with him?) and then, suddenly my head went quiet for a nano-second {In "brain time" that's like forever}, then "Crack" (I swear, I HEARD it) and this wave of emotion flooded in and I started to cry.

I'm a MAN ! I have Man-parts. I Think like a Man. I like to look at Woman-parts, I LIKE Woman-parts. I like Women ! MEN don't cry. I know, I know, I know, but built into my brain is this thing that says "Men don't Cry" (I know better, I'm shutting up) I've cried before, but I always had a reason. That's Simple, Right. Reason to Cry = Cry. Then you feel better after you cry...eventually, right? I guessed that it was the "Crack in the Silence" that got me upset, but the more I think about it, it's the Silence that scared me. What the Hell is That?! I think I broke it.