One year ago, on Monday, I was about 3 heartbeats from being DEAD ! Have you ever BEEN Dead ? I was as close as you want to get. For almost 3 more weeks, I was "Mostly Dead" I don't remember it. What I do remember is the week before Christmas, I was NOT DEAD. I didn't know where I was, where I had been and how long I had been there. So you can see how December has changed a little bit for me. It was the BEST Christmas of my LIFE ! I can only say that because the word LIFE is there.

"The Polar Express" was on TV tonight and, as usual, I am a sucker for the CLASSIC Christmas stories. This is definitely one, and I was unusually touched by the ending dialog this year. It goes as follows:

"At one time most of my friends could hear the bell, but as years passed, it fell silent for all of them... Though I've grown old, the bell still rings for me as it does for all who truly believe.”

So I call it CHRISTMAS, but you may call it what you will. It's December and you're alive ! LIVE ! - CELEBRATE ! (and to all a Good Night!)

A Funny Thing, that Brain of Mine !

I Swear this to be true ! I had not yet seen the TV commercial about Johnny Depp's newest movie when I mentioned Sweeney Todd in the previous posting on this blog. The movie is a "Musical" adaptation of the Stephen Sondheim Broadway Musical of "Sweeney Todd - The Demon Barber of Fleet Street" as I had earlier referenced. Coincidence - Who Knows ? (I just know that his teeth HURT like HELL !)

Stick a Fork in it... It's Done !

Well, another holiday is past and it's carcase is rotting in the local landfill. It now becomes a race to gain the most, while spending the least. It's in homage of the Almighty Dollar (or Euro, Franc, Yen or giant stone rings) that we spend to acquire all the stuff we "Gotta Have" or "Gotta Give" ! A friend told me this past week that they were not exchanging gifts, this year because "all the little ones were grown up" and that they would just share the Family Time. But don't worry, friends, there's still time to gaze in wonder at the extravagant decorations the retailers present, the Giant, inflatable globe with Styrofoam nuggets circulating around a Christmas Tree with Santa, his Reindeer and Sleigh, a Snowman, and several little people in pointy green hats and curly toed shoes. There is still time to remember the reason for the season. Check your Local TV Listings and sit down with the family and watch "Miracle on 34th Street" and "A Charlie Brown Christmas" and hug your kids when you hear Linus tell Charlie Brown:

Linus Van Pelt: "And there were, in the same country, shepherds abiding in the fields, keeping watch over their flocks by night. And Lo, the Angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the lord shone round about them, and they were afraid. And the Angel said unto them, Fear not, for behold, I bring unto you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you this day is born, in the City of Bethlehem, a Savior, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; you shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes and lying in a manger. And suddenly there was with the Angel, a multitude of the heavenly host, praising God, and saying, 'Glory to God in the highest, and on Earth peace, good will toward men'". That's what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown.

(And, not to forget those of the Hebrew faith, Jesus was a Jew)

Good Tidings of Great Joy !

I think I broke it !

Have you ever picked up a coffee cup, and the handle just came off... right in your hand? You didn't drop it, or bump it against anything, it just came right off ? Or maybe it was a knob on the radio, or a rubber band on something... you just touched it and it broke... all by itself ! Well, my Internal Emotional Stabilizer . . . just broke this evening. (That, or he's going through "MANopause")

I was laying on the couch after dinner, and it was quiet in the house. Mom was in her bedroom, reading, Dad was in the Jacuzzi on the patio and I was, very out of character for me, reading. Nothing Philosophical or meaningful, it was "Parade" magazine from the Sunday paper. The last thing I had read was about automating your home (blah, blah, blah). I finished and set the paper down. It had started me thinking about (now TRY to follow THIS thread) automation, how to communicate after my surgery, messages to my church choir, e-mail to my friends, communicating to anyone with a breath a breathing tube, how much I hated the catheter (still with him?) and then, suddenly my head went quiet for a nano-second {In "brain time" that's like forever}, then "Crack" (I swear, I HEARD it) and this wave of emotion flooded in and I started to cry.

I'm a MAN ! I have Man-parts. I Think like a Man. I like to look at Woman-parts, I LIKE Woman-parts. I like Women ! MEN don't cry. I know, I know, I know, but built into my brain is this thing that says "Men don't Cry" (I know better, I'm shutting up) I've cried before, but I always had a reason. That's Simple, Right. Reason to Cry = Cry. Then you feel better after you cry...eventually, right? I guessed that it was the "Crack in the Silence" that got me upset, but the more I think about it, it's the Silence that scared me. What the Hell is That?! I think I broke it.

Let's do the Time Warp Again...

Brain Check - 1-2-3, check-1-2-3. My watch says Nov. 14. So does my computer and my day planner. All of the Posting Dates on my blog are one week off, right? RIGHT ? ! (Don't mess with him... He'll snap ! He is right, right ?)

It's Sunday Noon

There's NO ONE on line - I have NOTHING to do - Even my Parents aren't home . . . At least there's NASCAR !

Whew ! I made it.

It turns out that I DID give myself more stress than the test did. (You Idiot !) Well, I've never done it before, what do you expect. The worst part was only the IV needle. Big Deal - Been there - Done that ! Gotta go to my Gastro now. I'll report in if there's any news.

Isn't the Test Enough Stress ?

I'm having a Chemical Stress Test tomorrow and it has me a little stressed out (oxymoronic, don't you think?) I have tried very hard to keep my blood pressure at a minimum to decrease the chances of having the same problem that put me in the hospital, but to make sure that I can physically handle the transplant surgery, they have to raise my blood pressure to test my heart. Now, I know that this is being done across the street from a hospital, but it's still frightening. I'm just plain NOT looking forward to this particular procedure. To me it sounds like "Russian Roulette" ! I'll keep you posted on the results. Wish me luck !

NOT 13 !

SORRY, had to post this quickly. I just noticed I was at 13 total Posting and we all know what 13 is ? (Ptth, Ptth, Ptth, throw salt over my shoulder, make the sign of the cross, don't let the cat sleep in my room, step over cracks in the sidewalk . . .) 14 - That's better !

When is it TMI ?

Greetings !

I have posted a blog entry almost every day for the last week and I am wondering when people will get tired of it? Please tell me to shut up if I become a bore !

Today was bearable as far as my pain level is concerned, although it tastes like I'm sucking on a nail from the iron in my blood. (Sorry-Gross!) I actually slept well, between the pain killer and sleeping pill, but not "narcotically", but more "exhausted" than anything else. How is it that "pain" makes you exhausted? I just typed that question into "Ask.com" and the first Item on the list was "A Practical Guide to Suicide" at "www.satanservice.org" Is that what the internet has become? I'm telling Al Gore ! Not to worry about me... I've worked WAY to hard to even think about THAT ! I'll just let the Dentist take care of that next Wednesday! (That Sadistic ^$*%^#@)

This is the story of Sweeney Todd...

The Demon Barber of Fleet Street ! As the legend goes, he was a 19th century barber/dentist in Europe who, upon the death of a patient, and later just for profit, would harvest the "meat" of his victims for sale in his "meat pies". Well, guess where I was today... that's right, the dentist. To be more specific, the Oral Surgeon, for the extraction of three broken and/or roots from broken teeth in my upper jaw. (The liver transplant requires a Dental Exam to ensure no cross infections from any other source.)

As I have previously mentioned, I am a BIG baby when it comes to tooth pain and dental work. This visit went as expected. The VA is, unfortunately (SADISTICALLY) , not using "twilight sleep" (happy gas) or any other method other than Novocain as an anesthetic. I'll leave the details out to spare the nerves of those who share my feelings about the dentist, but suffice it to say, it was NOT a pleasant experience (torture would have been better). It's not so much the work, as it is the Novocain shot (four, and two were in the roof of his mouth, that bastard!) Now it's a non-narcotic pain pill and penicillin till next Wednesday for three more extractions in the lower jaw. After that, it's cosmetic and the drill for repairs. FUN FOR ME ! I haven't been able to relax all afternoon or evening, but I feel "sleepy" creeping up on me, finally, so I'll take my leave and hope for sleep. Wish me luck.

It's everybody's non-pollutionary, anti-institutionary, pro-recovery factory of fun!

(Oh, CRAP ! He's gonna sing)

I never thought my life could be
Anything but catastrophe
But suddenly I begin to see
A bit of good luck for me.

I never had a chance to shine
Never a happy song to sing
But suddenly all the world is mine
What an amazing thing.

I never thought I'd see the day
When I would face the world and say
"Good morning, look at the sun."
But it could be done.

I never dreamed that I would climb
Over the moon in ecstasy
But nevertheless, it's there that I'm
Shortly about to be.

'Cause I've got a golden ticket
I've got a golden chance to make my way
And with a golden ticket
It's a Golden Day !

Story "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" - Roald Dahl
Music and Lyrics - Anthony Newley
Sung by - Jack Albertson as Uncle Joe
Meaning - Priceless !

(And God Bless Gene Wilder for his AMAZINGNESS)

No News is Not Always Good News

Hi everyone. Now that I'm dine waiting for my 1 Year Birthday, now I get wait for the transplant pre-testing procedures to progress (like watching grass grow). I had an appt. with my Transplant Coordinator (from here forward being referred to as "Xplant Co" or Ms. Donaldson) and we went through the next few things that need to be done. A couple more tests, including a Chemical Stress Test (anxiety over that one, sounds scary). Overall, a positive meeting...Moving Forward ! But no immediate news. Nothing scheduled yet.

In addition, I have to have a DENTAL Eval. This will not go well. I have at least 4 teeth that have fallen apart, lost their crowns and/or fillings or have noticeable problems (tombstones in an OLD graveyard) I have always had soft teeth, and have become a night grinder years ago, and a day grinder when I did drugs. It all becomes habit and doesn't go away when you stop. MEGA ANXIETY. I, like most people, HATE THE DENTIST. Not personally, but professionally. (He's a Baby in that chair, no tolerance for pain, that wimp !) So I have that to look forward to soon. I'm just gonna do it and get it over with. It'll be Dental Surgery, not teeth pulling, but there will be some cavity and fill work as well. But at least it will be done. (and he'll loose a little of that fat he's put on since he's been feeling better and eating)

A Year plus a Day, plus a Day, plus a Day...

I was reminded this afternoon, by a very good friend (who proofreads for him, or is it whom?) that it's O.K. to be Proud of an Achievement. That being the case, it's time to move forward, one day more, and repeat as many times as I can. It should be that simple, huh? (SURE, you go on thinkin like that... how far will we get ?) So I now set out on my trusty steed (a Kia Sportage?) to battle more Dragons (Windmills), in search for my Golden Helmet, (a shaving basin?) and my sweet Dulcinea (a redundant and REALLY LAME metaphor for his sobriety) ! For I am Doug Quixote, the Man of Las Vegas ! (and if you understood that, you've seen too many Musicals, too !)