I am This Many ! Two full years of sobriety. Something I've been waiting for since I was, oh, One Year Sober ! As many of us would imagine, I was proud of myself. I had accomplished a larger goal than my first one... to become sober. Sobriety does not come easy, or cheap. It takes time, it costs you friendships, it requires a lifestyle change that, for most good drinkers/drug users, is monumental and miraculous. To have removed from yourself a burden and a disease that WILL, without a shadow of a doubt, kill you. It takes the combined support of family, friends, support groups and God to ensure success. Those fortunate enough to have any combination of these have a fighting chance to survive.Herein lies the rub. The Human Body can only withstand so much abuse from the drugs and alcohol that, even abstinence cannot stave off the damage that's already been done. The physical ravages of these abuses have an uncanny ability to pop up when they are least appreciated, and most vulnerable... like when celebrating your second year of sobriety. On October 31, the day before my anniversary, I had a Doctor's appointment with my favorite Dr. Ryan. It was a standard 3 month check up, with blood workup.
As the Doctor went through a bunch of numbers & figures, saying things like "Well, your bla bla is good, your bla bla level is normal, your bla bla is a little low, but we want that..." then she turned the page. I could see it in her face... She had bad news. "Well, it looks like your Diabetic for real now. Last time your glucose was 108, which is border line, now it's 138. You're going to have to start taking medication and test your blood sugar." It was about this point where my brain went into "Overload Mode" and it all sounded like noises coming from her mouth, but they weren't words... it was just "nperagz poafrg pono dsgfcw lijnsdf". Then she stopped talking for a second or two (or five minutes, who knows) and then she said "Are You O.K. You have that glazed look." I said "Give me a second... that's a lot to take in" She came over and Hugged me, then sat back down. "We have to send you to the dietitian, and get you trained on how to use the meter to test your blood. I'll let her tell you all about it, O.K ?" I said that would be better. I need to catch my breath. Then she turned the page again, and that look again. "Your Hemoglobin level is low... a little too low. I think you might have another intestinal bleed. Let's get you in and checked on. We'll make an appointment with Gastro." (I see them on the 5th)
...AND ALL ON MY SOBRIETY BIRTHDAY ! ! ! NO FAIR ! It's like having a birthday cake and your stinky little brother blows out your candles right before you try. I'm Mad. I'm mad at the inside of me. I mad that I have to pay the consequences for my own actions. It's all MY fault, but I'm still Mad.
