F I N A L L Y - ! ! !

Well, it took me a year, but I finally did it ! I have been 100% Clean & Sober for ONE FULL YEAR ! I was greeted with much enthusiasm and envy by the group at the VA tonight. (Yeah, sure, but you brought cake, dumb shit) Yes, Phil, I brought Cake, but I wanted to celebrate. This little bronze disk that says "1" on it means a LOT to me. It means that I have been given the chance to move forward. It means that I have been sober long enough for other people to ask for my advice. I had people in class tonight asking "How" I did it, instead of "What" happened. I had people listen to me and a couple of guys talk to me after class to say things like "I understand, it was like that for me too. How did you...?" for the first time.

And, yet, part of me is feeling full of myself for accomplishing this. "Pride" is, after all, one of the Seven Deadly Sins. Can you learn that? Who remembers the Mac Davis Comedy Hit "Oh Lord, It's hard to be humble..." Well I'm certainly NOT perfect, but I guess I need to exercise my humility muscle. (WHAT Humility Muscle? You mean that fiber you have. You need to have something REAL to be humble about, first. Now, Practice !) O.K. - One, Two, Three...

I spent a week there one day

Well, Phil and I have been waiting a week for the last 48 hours to pass and it's just taking forever. Only 34 hours before I can officially stand up and say "I have been Clean and Sober for ONE FULL YEAR !" This is a milestone ! It's only the 1st milestone, but a milestone none the less. I couldn't be prouder if it were... well, ME ! Tick, Tick, Tick, Tick !

Antcipa___________tion

Greetings to all. Have you ever heard of the concept of "Slow Time" ? Scientists tell us that the passage of time is a constant; that one second takes exactly one second to pass. Every instrument that we have to measure this also concludes this to be true. Albert Einstein, however, theorizes this not to be true and that time is relative to the instrument used to measure it.

The most common example I can think of is being in a car accident, or a fall. I remember vivid details about my last fender bender. I remember pushing in the clutch, applying the brake, checking my mirrors to see if there were any cars in the way of my avoiding it, or if I was about to be rear-ended, tensing up, leaning back into the seat, steering to cause the least damage and looking at the passengers in the car I was about to hit...and I was only going about 10 mph. Then "Crunch", and time returned to normal. It seemed like 15-20 seconds, but it was actually only 2 or 3. Now, try this: Go into a quiet room, close the door, look at your watch, or a clock and then close your eyes and don't count. Try to stay like that for exactly 5 minutes. I'll bet you a dollar you can't get within 1 minute of exactly 5 minutes.

The point of this is that Phil and I are waiting till THURSDAY for One Year to be over. Phil is like a 4 yr. old walking with Daddy to the Snack Bar at the Drive-In, bouncing up and down 'cause he's gotta pee. (Does anyone remember Drive-Ins, or have you only seen them in old movies?) (Just get me 2 half-gallon bottles of Rum and a 2-Liter Pepsi and Thursday will be here in no time) Shut up, Phil. So, Hurry the Hell Up, Thursday ! 1 Year Clean & Sober gets me a 1 Year Brass AA Coin that, I'm told, if you want a drink, place it on your forehead and hit it as hard as you can with a bottle of rum, and you won't want a drink ('cause your unconscious) I'll make it !

An Apology from Doug's Liver

This is Phil, Doug's liver. He wants to say he's sorry for his rant last night. There are only a few people he considers to be his closest family and friends, and three of them are on their way to Iraq, including his closest friend. I think he has the right to be concerned and upset, considering his condition, not that it makes their decisions any different. They are doing what they have to do . . . so is Doug . . . he's caring. Let him be upset - it's good for him to vent the emotions. It relieves his stress. Just don't dismiss his feelings; they're just as real as yours.

In the Navy

In the military, we perform our duty, protect our country and do so with honor. We send our soldiers, sailors, airmen and marines proudly. It is very hard to send our own family members, be they Husbands, Wives, Children or Friends. As family, we support them and their decisions to serve, but NO WHERE does it say that we have to be happy about it.

Well, I'm NOT happy about it right now. At this moment, my friend's husband is on his way to Iraq, my Brother-in-Law is getting ready to go to Iraq, and I just found out my Best Friend has volunteered to go to Iraq, AND I'M NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT ! I support them all in their decision to serve, I will think and pray for them all every day, that they will return home to their families, and I am PROUD of all of them for their choice to serve our country: BUT I'M NOT HAPPY ! It's not their job to make me happy. (Just wait, though. I'm telling Phil)

Almost 1 year

Greetings from Phil and I. Some people are beginning to respond to having read my blog. Thank You. I'd love for you to leave a "Hello" to let me know you've seen it, but an e-mail is fine. I'm curious to see if anyone figures out why I named my liver "Phil" Send in your guesses.

As many of you know, November 1st is my 1 year anniversary. The AA group I attend gives a brass coin for yearly anniversaries. I'll scan the coin and post the pic on the site next week. It's kind of strange to think that since my sophomore year in HS, this will be the longest I've ever gone without a drink, smoke or something else. (I think he should celebrate with a big, fat glass of ice cold Bacardi Gold and a cigar but he won't let me) I'll just have a cake !

Subscription

It's Sunday, Oct. 23rd and I've just sent out a request for for subscribers to my blog. I'm not sure how this works, so we'll see if people can get on to see it and bookmark it. Best of luck and please send me an email to my "dougcoutts@yahoo.com" if it works. Thanks !

Curious Doug and the Liver Transplant

Hi, My name is Curious Doug, and this is my Liver, Phil. I'm sorry for the font I had to use here, my blog is limited to the simple 7 they have given me. I would have chosen one much less formal, and more whimsical. You'll understand soon.



This blog is intended for me to chronical, and sometimes vent the thoughts, emotions and frustrations I will be going through during this Liver transplant. Phil, my Liver, will have occasional comments with technical data and irrational rants, much in the way that the typewriter wrote in Ian Rand's "Still Life with Woodpecker" (You'll know when it's Phil talking).

It's October 18th, 2007 and in 12 days I will be ONE YEAR OLD ! This may not seem like a big deal, but if you consider all the way back to my Junior year in "High School" (1979) that's the longest I've ever gone without a drink, drug or cigarette, and here, cigarettes don't count. That would make it, roughly, 27 years. Now, I know there are "Old Timers" in some of my AA meetings who'll say, "I've been sober almost that long". My rebuttal to that is "Frickin Great ! Teach me how you did it" Just don't dismiss me for only being 1 yr. old. I've done drugs you've never even heard of. (Try Absenth on a sugar cube, light it and hold it on your tongue till the burn makes you swallow it, whole and on fire)

So, the point of today is to get this ball rolling, introduce you to Phil, (Phil: Sorry about my complection, I've let myself go lately) and to start a sort of Journal of my transplant and recovery. It is as much for me as it is for my friends to know how I am, and for strangers to kind of know "How it was for ME". I promise that, although portions of this blog may be hidden under a pile of shit, it will ALWAYS be the truth. I will never lie in this blog.

I wish you well and hope you will return the same. For those who pray, say one for me when you read these. The next time you read this, cinch up your belt, get a strong cup of coffee, place your seat backs in the fully upright position and be prepared for "Curious Doug and the Liver Transplant" (Phil: It's not pretty)