About Me

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4+ Years Clean & Sober, working on more. Musician, Audio/Visual Tech. Sing in Church Choir. Dedicated in my recovery. I almost died once, not on purpose, but I got over that and intend to live a while longer... like 30 or 40 yrs. or so.

Friday, June 13, 2008

Hello Out There !

Hello Hello Hello ! Is anyone else out there out there out there ? Sometimes it gets lonely in here. All of my friends are gone, or I'm gone from them. My only contact is the occasional e-mail or phone call, and half of it is my own fault because I don't call anyone. Sometimes the background noise in my head can be so deafening that it's no wonder I turned to substance abuse. At least it makes the silence go away.

I'm sitting here at my house on a Friday Night, watching TV by myself because I've got no one else to spend time with, and I should do something about it, but the only people I can be real with are either far away, or have lives of their own. Monica is with her husband, Zoe is out to sea...That's about it. Sure, I have other people I know, but they're not in Vegas, I'm not close to anyone in AA.

Sometimes I feel like the Burgess Merideth character in that Twilight Zone episode, who wanted nothing more than to be left alone to read his books and not be bothered. Then the bomb hit while he was alone in the Library basement vault, and when he came out everyone was dead. Finally, peace and quiet to read all he wanted... and then broke his glasses.

I'm an alcoholic without a drink... Literally, and I don't know what to do with myself. Hello ?

1 comment:

Macabre64 said...

Oh sweetie, I know that exact feeling. I absolutely hate to hear that you've been feeling it! I've been a very poor excuse for a friend lately and I promise to try and do better.

I don't have much of an excuse except that I've been...well...down a lot lately and it's difficult to even motivate myself to log on or answer e-mails most days.

I hope today is a good day for you!

Love,
Me