Pensive..... Who, Me ?

Nine days to go before that 2 year Chip and I'm feeling a little... nervous, unquiet, queasy, flighty, uneasy, aflutter, neural, skittish, spooky and anxious. (He Cheated... He used a Thesaurus.) Shut up, Phil. You've been good this whole time... Don't make me get rid of you. I'm not worried or anything. In fact, I'm very comfortable in my sobriety. I do find that I miss some of the "Flavors", believe it or not. A dark "Sipping Rum" and a tasting of some of the nice micro-brews and inported "Specialty" beers. Don't get me wrong. The ONLY thing that will ever pass these lips again is the "Sacramental" wine, just touched to my lips at Church. NO WORRIES, O.K. ?

I Remember...

It was about a year ago and I was going Ape-Shit Crazy, waiting for the month of October to be over. It meant that November 1st was coming, and that is my Sobriety Date... I was going to have one year ! I was So Excited about that ! ONE WHOLE YEAR ! Physically, it wasn't hard to do. I knew that "One More Drunk" could literally kill me. It was Mental and Emotional that were hard.

Mentally, I would think that "Just one won't hurt" Emotionally, when I felt anxiety, "Just one will take the edge off ". If I was bored, "Just one would relax me a little... three would take away the boredom completely" That's how I used to think. NOW... I know one more could kill me, sharpen the edge, and create a false sense of entertainment.

Two years Sober is only 2 weeks away, and I'm still looking forward to it... Just not like I did before. My transplant is on hold, now, so I'm not busting my ass to qualify, make appointments, prove my "worthiness". By quitting drinking and drugging, I'm not getting worse, but I'll never get better. I can become healthier, but never healthy. My goal is no longer a life or death situation. Staying Sober is, but getting sober isn't anymore. I don't know, it's kind of weird.

Regardless, here I am... 2 Years Sober (almost), healthier (mostly), and free from the insanity (actually not even close, but 2 out of three ain't bad). As long as I can keep putting one foot in front of the other, without falling over, I guess I'm in good shape.

I've Got To Be Out Of My Mind

Been a while since I last wrote but I could not pass up the opportunity.

Remember when all the kids on the block stayed outside to play till the streetlights came on. When nothing quenched your thirst better than a drink from the garden hose... Kool-Aid was your daily drink, and soda was a treat. When a "stick" was actually a toy... and G.I. Joe had a "Kung-Fu Grip" and was almost as tall as Barbie. When you would dive over the neighbor's hedges so you wouldn't be "It" in a game of Tag, or climb secretly into them for a game of Hide and Seek ? When they actually HAD Penny Candy at the store and the best house on the block gave away "Bite Size" Candy Bars at Halloween (not those "mini" ones they make now).

This 3 year old little boy remembers all those, and many more. Take a moment to remember... I bet you'll smile !

How do you like the New Boobs !

Since I mentioned them, I thought you deserved to see them, so here they are.  

It took us all morning to drive to Lake Havasu City.  We got there around 9:30 am.  Monica, her 4 yr. old Zane, Zoe and I checked her into the hospital there and then Moni, Zane and I waited... And Waited... Aaaannnddd Waited.  Long story short, we checked out at 5:00 p.m. and drove to my Brother's house, 45 minutes away.  We spent the night there. (Thanks, John!)

When we got up, it was back to Havasu for a follow up with the Dr. and to have the drain tubes removed (Yuk).  Then we drove back to Vegas.

I'm Going to Lake Havasu to Get a Boob Job Tomorrow

I'm going to repeat that... Just because I can. I'm Going to Get a Boob Job Tomorrow ! Now that I have your attention, let me say that, in fact, that's true. One of my friends is having an "Augmentation Procedure". I will be driving her to Lake Havasu City for the procedure. The Dr. says that she shouldn't drive home the following because she'll be sore, and holding the steering wheel for a 2 hr. drive would be uncomfortable.

I just REALLY wanted to write that, though. The thought came to me this evening, in the car, and I laughed out loud at the thought of it. "I'm Going to Lake Havasu to Get a Boob Job Tomorrow"

Retraction

I feel it necessary to properly credit George Carlin with his statistics. My statistics came more from memory and the first Internet article I read. I now have a more reliable source for these statistics. Source: USA Today, June 24, 2008.

14 HBO specials, 23 albums, three best sellers, five audio books, 130 appearances on The Tonight Show, numerous appearances on The Ed Sullivan Show, 16 movies including 1989's Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure and as the voice of flower-power-era VW van in 2006's animated Cars, four-time Grammy recipient and five-time Emmy winner and the first host on Saturday Night Live. He was also a regular headliner in Las Vegas, Atlantic City and was scheduled to be the recipient of the Mark Twain Award this year. He was also the narrator of the Thomas the Tank Engine and Friends.

My Apologies !

Which road did I say to travel ?

I had a recording of an AA speaker, years ago, that I got at one of those "Motivational Speaker" type of events. Of course, I don't remember his name, but many parts of his speech stuck with me. I haven't always followed his advice to a tee, but the general impressions still linger.

He spoke of a time, about 5 yrs. into his sobriety, when he felt kind of "stuck". He had worked his AA program with zeal and ambition, yet it was kind of like the chain fell off the bike, and he was peddling, but going no where. This is one of his stories.

He said that his life was like walking down a path, and coming to a wall... right there in the middle of the path. He looked right and left and saw nothing. There was no way to tell how to get past the wall. He could try to climb over, but it was too high. He could try to dig under, but it was too deep. Being the good, dysfunctional Alcoholic that he was, he just stood there... looking at the wall, doing nothing. The only options were to turn right or left and try to keep going... but which way ?

I've been standing in front of that wall for about a month, now. I have NO IDEA which way to turn. I'm just staring at the wall ! (Duh, Um, What). The moral to HIS story was that we all come to these walls in our lives. What do we choose to do. Our "Will" is to believe that WE know best, turn and go. That usually doesn't work for the alcoholic... after all, it was OUR will that got us here. I need to close my eyes, stretch out my arms and ask God "Which Way", and trust (hard for me) that the right path will make itself clear.

Till then, I'm here, at the wall, waiting patiently for that guidance.