I'M THIS MANY...

I am This Many ! Two full years of sobriety. Something I've been waiting for since I was, oh, One Year Sober ! As many of us would imagine, I was proud of myself. I had accomplished a larger goal than my first one... to become sober. Sobriety does not come easy, or cheap. It takes time, it costs you friendships, it requires a lifestyle change that, for most good drinkers/drug users, is monumental and miraculous. To have removed from yourself a burden and a disease that WILL, without a shadow of a doubt, kill you. It takes the combined support of family, friends, support groups and God to ensure success. Those fortunate enough to have any combination of these have a fighting chance to survive.


Herein lies the rub. The Human Body can only withstand so much abuse from the drugs and alcohol that, even abstinence cannot stave off the damage that's already been done. The physical ravages of these abuses have an uncanny ability to pop up when they are least appreciated, and most vulnerable... like when celebrating your second year of sobriety. On October 31, the day before my anniversary, I had a Doctor's appointment with my favorite Dr. Ryan. It was a standard 3 month check up, with blood workup.


As the Doctor went through a bunch of numbers & figures, saying things like "Well, your bla bla is good, your bla bla level is normal, your bla bla is a little low, but we want that..." then she turned the page. I could see it in her face... She had bad news. "Well, it looks like your Diabetic for real now. Last time your glucose was 108, which is border line, now it's 138. You're going to have to start taking medication and test your blood sugar." It was about this point where my brain went into "Overload Mode" and it all sounded like noises coming from her mouth, but they weren't words... it was just "nperagz poafrg pono dsgfcw lijnsdf". Then she stopped talking for a second or two (or five minutes, who knows) and then she said "Are You O.K. You have that glazed look." I said "Give me a second... that's a lot to take in" She came over and Hugged me, then sat back down. "We have to send you to the dietitian, and get you trained on how to use the meter to test your blood. I'll let her tell you all about it, O.K ?" I said that would be better. I need to catch my breath. Then she turned the page again, and that look again. "Your Hemoglobin level is low... a little too low. I think you might have another intestinal bleed. Let's get you in and checked on. We'll make an appointment with Gastro." (I see them on the 5th)


...AND ALL ON MY SOBRIETY BIRTHDAY ! ! ! NO FAIR ! It's like having a birthday cake and your stinky little brother blows out your candles right before you try. I'm Mad. I'm mad at the inside of me. I mad that I have to pay the consequences for my own actions. It's all MY fault, but I'm still Mad.

Pensive..... Who, Me ?

Nine days to go before that 2 year Chip and I'm feeling a little... nervous, unquiet, queasy, flighty, uneasy, aflutter, neural, skittish, spooky and anxious. (He Cheated... He used a Thesaurus.) Shut up, Phil. You've been good this whole time... Don't make me get rid of you. I'm not worried or anything. In fact, I'm very comfortable in my sobriety. I do find that I miss some of the "Flavors", believe it or not. A dark "Sipping Rum" and a tasting of some of the nice micro-brews and inported "Specialty" beers. Don't get me wrong. The ONLY thing that will ever pass these lips again is the "Sacramental" wine, just touched to my lips at Church. NO WORRIES, O.K. ?

I Remember...

It was about a year ago and I was going Ape-Shit Crazy, waiting for the month of October to be over. It meant that November 1st was coming, and that is my Sobriety Date... I was going to have one year ! I was So Excited about that ! ONE WHOLE YEAR ! Physically, it wasn't hard to do. I knew that "One More Drunk" could literally kill me. It was Mental and Emotional that were hard.

Mentally, I would think that "Just one won't hurt" Emotionally, when I felt anxiety, "Just one will take the edge off ". If I was bored, "Just one would relax me a little... three would take away the boredom completely" That's how I used to think. NOW... I know one more could kill me, sharpen the edge, and create a false sense of entertainment.

Two years Sober is only 2 weeks away, and I'm still looking forward to it... Just not like I did before. My transplant is on hold, now, so I'm not busting my ass to qualify, make appointments, prove my "worthiness". By quitting drinking and drugging, I'm not getting worse, but I'll never get better. I can become healthier, but never healthy. My goal is no longer a life or death situation. Staying Sober is, but getting sober isn't anymore. I don't know, it's kind of weird.

Regardless, here I am... 2 Years Sober (almost), healthier (mostly), and free from the insanity (actually not even close, but 2 out of three ain't bad). As long as I can keep putting one foot in front of the other, without falling over, I guess I'm in good shape.

I've Got To Be Out Of My Mind

Been a while since I last wrote but I could not pass up the opportunity.

Remember when all the kids on the block stayed outside to play till the streetlights came on. When nothing quenched your thirst better than a drink from the garden hose... Kool-Aid was your daily drink, and soda was a treat. When a "stick" was actually a toy... and G.I. Joe had a "Kung-Fu Grip" and was almost as tall as Barbie. When you would dive over the neighbor's hedges so you wouldn't be "It" in a game of Tag, or climb secretly into them for a game of Hide and Seek ? When they actually HAD Penny Candy at the store and the best house on the block gave away "Bite Size" Candy Bars at Halloween (not those "mini" ones they make now).

This 3 year old little boy remembers all those, and many more. Take a moment to remember... I bet you'll smile !

How do you like the New Boobs !

Since I mentioned them, I thought you deserved to see them, so here they are.  

It took us all morning to drive to Lake Havasu City.  We got there around 9:30 am.  Monica, her 4 yr. old Zane, Zoe and I checked her into the hospital there and then Moni, Zane and I waited... And Waited... Aaaannnddd Waited.  Long story short, we checked out at 5:00 p.m. and drove to my Brother's house, 45 minutes away.  We spent the night there. (Thanks, John!)

When we got up, it was back to Havasu for a follow up with the Dr. and to have the drain tubes removed (Yuk).  Then we drove back to Vegas.

I'm Going to Lake Havasu to Get a Boob Job Tomorrow

I'm going to repeat that... Just because I can. I'm Going to Get a Boob Job Tomorrow ! Now that I have your attention, let me say that, in fact, that's true. One of my friends is having an "Augmentation Procedure". I will be driving her to Lake Havasu City for the procedure. The Dr. says that she shouldn't drive home the following because she'll be sore, and holding the steering wheel for a 2 hr. drive would be uncomfortable.

I just REALLY wanted to write that, though. The thought came to me this evening, in the car, and I laughed out loud at the thought of it. "I'm Going to Lake Havasu to Get a Boob Job Tomorrow"

Retraction

I feel it necessary to properly credit George Carlin with his statistics. My statistics came more from memory and the first Internet article I read. I now have a more reliable source for these statistics. Source: USA Today, June 24, 2008.

14 HBO specials, 23 albums, three best sellers, five audio books, 130 appearances on The Tonight Show, numerous appearances on The Ed Sullivan Show, 16 movies including 1989's Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure and as the voice of flower-power-era VW van in 2006's animated Cars, four-time Grammy recipient and five-time Emmy winner and the first host on Saturday Night Live. He was also a regular headliner in Las Vegas, Atlantic City and was scheduled to be the recipient of the Mark Twain Award this year. He was also the narrator of the Thomas the Tank Engine and Friends.

My Apologies !