Pensive..... Who, Me ?

Nine days to go before that 2 year Chip and I'm feeling a little... nervous, unquiet, queasy, flighty, uneasy, aflutter, neural, skittish, spooky and anxious. (He Cheated... He used a Thesaurus.) Shut up, Phil. You've been good this whole time... Don't make me get rid of you. I'm not worried or anything. In fact, I'm very comfortable in my sobriety. I do find that I miss some of the "Flavors", believe it or not. A dark "Sipping Rum" and a tasting of some of the nice micro-brews and inported "Specialty" beers. Don't get me wrong. The ONLY thing that will ever pass these lips again is the "Sacramental" wine, just touched to my lips at Church. NO WORRIES, O.K. ?

I Remember...

It was about a year ago and I was going Ape-Shit Crazy, waiting for the month of October to be over. It meant that November 1st was coming, and that is my Sobriety Date... I was going to have one year ! I was So Excited about that ! ONE WHOLE YEAR ! Physically, it wasn't hard to do. I knew that "One More Drunk" could literally kill me. It was Mental and Emotional that were hard.

Mentally, I would think that "Just one won't hurt" Emotionally, when I felt anxiety, "Just one will take the edge off ". If I was bored, "Just one would relax me a little... three would take away the boredom completely" That's how I used to think. NOW... I know one more could kill me, sharpen the edge, and create a false sense of entertainment.

Two years Sober is only 2 weeks away, and I'm still looking forward to it... Just not like I did before. My transplant is on hold, now, so I'm not busting my ass to qualify, make appointments, prove my "worthiness". By quitting drinking and drugging, I'm not getting worse, but I'll never get better. I can become healthier, but never healthy. My goal is no longer a life or death situation. Staying Sober is, but getting sober isn't anymore. I don't know, it's kind of weird.

Regardless, here I am... 2 Years Sober (almost), healthier (mostly), and free from the insanity (actually not even close, but 2 out of three ain't bad). As long as I can keep putting one foot in front of the other, without falling over, I guess I'm in good shape.