Retraction

I feel it necessary to properly credit George Carlin with his statistics. My statistics came more from memory and the first Internet article I read. I now have a more reliable source for these statistics. Source: USA Today, June 24, 2008.

14 HBO specials, 23 albums, three best sellers, five audio books, 130 appearances on The Tonight Show, numerous appearances on The Ed Sullivan Show, 16 movies including 1989's Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure and as the voice of flower-power-era VW van in 2006's animated Cars, four-time Grammy recipient and five-time Emmy winner and the first host on Saturday Night Live. He was also a regular headliner in Las Vegas, Atlantic City and was scheduled to be the recipient of the Mark Twain Award this year. He was also the narrator of the Thomas the Tank Engine and Friends.

My Apologies !

Which road did I say to travel ?

I had a recording of an AA speaker, years ago, that I got at one of those "Motivational Speaker" type of events. Of course, I don't remember his name, but many parts of his speech stuck with me. I haven't always followed his advice to a tee, but the general impressions still linger.

He spoke of a time, about 5 yrs. into his sobriety, when he felt kind of "stuck". He had worked his AA program with zeal and ambition, yet it was kind of like the chain fell off the bike, and he was peddling, but going no where. This is one of his stories.

He said that his life was like walking down a path, and coming to a wall... right there in the middle of the path. He looked right and left and saw nothing. There was no way to tell how to get past the wall. He could try to climb over, but it was too high. He could try to dig under, but it was too deep. Being the good, dysfunctional Alcoholic that he was, he just stood there... looking at the wall, doing nothing. The only options were to turn right or left and try to keep going... but which way ?

I've been standing in front of that wall for about a month, now. I have NO IDEA which way to turn. I'm just staring at the wall ! (Duh, Um, What). The moral to HIS story was that we all come to these walls in our lives. What do we choose to do. Our "Will" is to believe that WE know best, turn and go. That usually doesn't work for the alcoholic... after all, it was OUR will that got us here. I need to close my eyes, stretch out my arms and ask God "Which Way", and trust (hard for me) that the right path will make itself clear.

Till then, I'm here, at the wall, waiting patiently for that guidance.

In Memory of the One Man who Always Made Me Laugh

George Carlin was born on May 12, 1937, ("God Winced") and grew up in New York and New Jersey.

The following is directly quoted from the Supreme Court Decision of FEDERAL COMMUNICATIONS COMMISSION, 438 U.S. 726, 98 S.Ct. 3026 (1978).

Mr. Justice STEVENS (delivering the majority opinion)

This case requires that we decide whether the Federal Communications Commission has any power to regulate a radio broadcast that is indecent but not obscene.

A satiric humorist named George Carlin recorded a 12-minute monologue entitled "Filthy Words" before a live audience in a California theater. He began by referring to his thoughts about "the words you couldn't say on the public, ah, airwaves, um, the ones you definitely wouldn't say, ever." He proceeded to list those words and repeat them over and over again in a variety of colloquialisms. The transcript of the recording, which is appended to this opinion, indicates frequent laughter from the audience.

The words of the Carlin monologue are unquestionably "speech" within the meaning of the First Amendment. . . .

Radio Stations throughout the country played the monologue in tribute. He won his first Grammy Award for that album.

He continued his historic rise to fame, becoming one of the most idolized and admired comedian of all time. He's received Grammy, Emmy awards, 2 time New York Times "Best Seller's List", is in the Comedy Hall of Fame and was Roasted by the Friar's Club. He was a regular HBO Special performer, and a Guest on the Tonight show for every host, from Jack Parr to Jay Leno, racking up over 60 appearances.

George Carlin was one of the most influential comedians of our Generation. He died from a Heart Attack Saturday, June 21, 2008. He Died with several years of being Clean & Sober !

Tony, Tony, Tony, Tony, Tony

It's the 62 Annual Tony Awards. I've gotten a chill down my spine for each and every performance. I've noticed, from all of the awards shows, and I don't think I've missed a Tony Awards in the last 10 years at least, The Award Winners, be they performers, writers, directors, all of them are genuinely ecstatic to win. They know where they started and are genuinely thankful to every person who helped them get there. Their commitment is stunning, their performances, most 6 nights and matinées on Saturdays & Sundays, are consistent each and every time.

In High School, I was in two, so I've seen a taste of what's involved, and I've seen 8 or 9 professional productions. There's Nothing Quite Like Broadway... and I've never been there. Shame ! I imagine heaven, sometimes, and I think it's a lot like the "Great White Way"... written by Rogers and Hammerstein, Music by Stephen Sondheim, and Directed by Mel Brooks.

It's Not Easy Being Me

It's not that easy being green;
Having to spend each day the color of the leaves.
When I think it could be nicer being red, or yellow or gold...
or something much more colorful like that.

It's not easy being green.
It seems you blend in with so many other ord'nary things.
And people tend to pass you over 'cause you're
not standing out like flashy sparkles in the water
or stars in the sky.

But green's the color of Spring.
And green can be cool and friendly-like.
And green can be big like an ocean, or important like a mountain,
or tall like a tree.

When green is all there is to be
It could make you wonder why, but why wonder why?
Wonder, I am green and it'll do fine, it's beautiful!
And I think it's what I want to be.

(See, I've moved on already...NOW, I'm Depressed but Accepting it.)

Hello Out There !

Hello Hello Hello ! Is anyone else out there out there out there ? Sometimes it gets lonely in here. All of my friends are gone, or I'm gone from them. My only contact is the occasional e-mail or phone call, and half of it is my own fault because I don't call anyone. Sometimes the background noise in my head can be so deafening that it's no wonder I turned to substance abuse. At least it makes the silence go away.

I'm sitting here at my house on a Friday Night, watching TV by myself because I've got no one else to spend time with, and I should do something about it, but the only people I can be real with are either far away, or have lives of their own. Monica is with her husband, Zoe is out to sea...That's about it. Sure, I have other people I know, but they're not in Vegas, I'm not close to anyone in AA.

Sometimes I feel like the Burgess Merideth character in that Twilight Zone episode, who wanted nothing more than to be left alone to read his books and not be bothered. Then the bomb hit while he was alone in the Library basement vault, and when he came out everyone was dead. Finally, peace and quiet to read all he wanted... and then broke his glasses.

I'm an alcoholic without a drink... Literally, and I don't know what to do with myself. Hello ?

But, then again...

God, in His Infinite Wisdom, WILL work His miracles in little ways, in little, humble lives, that make all the difference in how a man looks at his existence.

I have been sitting on my "Pity Pot" with an "Oh, Woe is Me" attitude because of my transplant list status. Well, (Oh, Man! You know we're in for the melodramatic when he starts to sing) as Frank Sinatra said:

"I've been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate, a poet, a pawn and a king
I've been up and down and over and out and I know one thing
Each time I find myself layin' flat on my face
I just pick myself up and get back in the race
That's Life !"

Well, That's Life... That's what we make of it. God gives it to us to do with it what we will. We had better do something productive with it. Not many get a second chance. I got a Second Chance. What will I Do?

Sometimes Life's a Bitch !

I'm still trying to wrap my head around this "Not Accepted" on the transplant list thing. I'm still a little confused on how I can qualify, yet be denied.

I understand (I guess) the position that the VA is in. There are only so many donors out there, and so many people who need one. My need is not as great as theirs. On the converse, what's the point in spending the money on someone in their later years (old) who will not have a longer life expectancy with or without the transplant. Yes, there's the selfish reasons, but there's also the logical reasons.

I know someone in my AA group who is a retired medical professional who used to be involved with liver transplant teams. She and I have discussed this, in detail, and she says that in the private sector, I would be the MORE qualified patient. So why is the VA backwards ? That seems to be the thing that baffles me the most. I have proven my ability to adhere to the treatment plan, quit all risk factor activities (i.e. drugs, alcohol and cigarettes), and shown the physical ability to survive an invasive procedure, like a transplant. Why, then, would I not be the candidate worthy of the investment.

They say that God only gives us as much as we can handle. To quote Tevye from "Fiddler on the Roof" . . . "God, I know that we are your 'Chosen People', but couldn't you choose someone else for a change?" The Faith... I have ! The Patience ? ? ?